Thinking Back...

Yo Yo Yo~
Guess where m i right now..
I m now in camp surfing my duty.

Nothing to do so lend the inet machine with a 29inch LCD wide screen monitor to blog.
Quite shiok to have 1 29inch LCD wide screen monitor.

Anyway just came back from PEE.
And just finish watching "Yi Gong Shen Yan Lei"
Alot of Gan Chu.
Thinking back...


Recently have been hanging out with huaky alot..
Think back when we first met each other..
I actually don't like him.
He look wierd,
He sounds wierd,
And i think he had a very serious attitude problem.
I still remember when we go home together walking across the brigde,
I was behind telling v goh and kong that this guy infront of me "fucker! attitude problem!"
Haha..
And my first impression to him?
No.1 ah beng.
With my red NAGAYAMA japan t-shirt.
And a super baggy jeans.
Super long hair.


For these few years i should say we learnt alot from each other.
I m not what i m used to be.
He is not he is used to be too.
The way we think changes as times goes by.
Kinda similar in 1 way or the other.
Without him i m not what i m now.
Seeing him now makes me think back will he be what he is now if we din met each other.
Kind of proud of my friends now.


One thing hasnt changed.
I m still very pestimistic.
Optimistic about my life,
Relationship,
My future.
I always think of the worst case that can happen.
Maybe i should say i m preparing for the worst.
Becoz i don't have any confidence in myself.
Maybe the only time i have confidence is with my friends.


The legendary Kelvin.
I should say the longest secondary school friend i known.
Sec 1 same class.
Last time i always bully him.
Till he complain to his mother and come sch complain to teacher to make us kena.
Hate him last time.
Selfish.
But we still did alot of things together.
Still remember he taught me how to play CS.
Till the stage i m better then him.
Muahahaha.
But without him i wont be that good.
Although we quarrel alot.
Or i should say which friend don't quarrel?
We are still as good.
Talk alot of cock.
share alot of things.
Now looking at him.
After the accident he still can talk cock really respect.


Ghost queen..
Faith..
I kinda like her as a friend sometimes.
Maybe because she actually praise her friends.
Sometimes she said good things about me.
Which makes me feel good.
Ask yourself how many times u apprieciate your friends?
how many times u praise your friends?
To me.
I rarely.
But i heard alot from her.
I know thats not fake.


Still remember last time,
I very very bad temper.
Abit abit i will scold people.
Secondary School worst.
Chao Ah Beng!!
Always get into quarrel or fight.
Every month at least 1 fight.
Nothing to do go shopping centre sian char bor.
Arbo see ppl buay song ask he from where.
Toh Loh Eh Lang.
Those were the days.


Now i those things i think its childish.
Happen once to me before.
In zen.
That time tot i stare at him.
In the end threaten me not to go boat quay see me wuack me.
"I SO SCARE?!?!"
My first thinking is i don't want trouble.
If i m not a regular i make sure u won't stand again.
In the end i just say sorry or whatever he asked for.
After knowing i m 23yrs old.
I think the guy thinks how childish he is.
I always think.
In singapore being an ah beng.
What can u achieve in life?
You beat someone up?
You killed someone?
You manage to sell 100 pirated VCD?
You become bookie and u lose $ and run away?


In singapore without a stable job.
You cant give your family good life.
Maybe yes for this family but for your childrens?


Yesterday slept at 4am in the morning.
Was watching world trade centre.
Quite a nice show.
Although starting they kena trap underground already.
But it shows how the family keep those people alive when they are trapped.
Mental support is very important.
I always like to put myself into situation.
What if this happens to me?
What if i m the one trapped there.
Can i survive out?
My ans is depends on the people out there.
How much they need me.
How much they want me.
Given the state now.
The only person i can think of is kelly.
As for my friends and families.
I think they dun need me.
Because they can take care of themself without me.
But for kelly.
I WANT TO take care of her.
Thats why.
But things might changed when u are really in that situation.


I always think..
what if one day i kena a serious illness.
No cure for it.
Watever i think it will be for the one i love.
another thing is..
Is letting go the best choice?
Alot of times i see tv they always say if you love the person letting her go is the best way.
What if you let her go and she met someone else and she got cheated or she suffered?
Thats why i don't believe in letting go.
Its either i hate this person or i like this person.
Its either this person is a good friend or this person is a slut/bitch/bastard.
To me everybody is a good friend.
I treat everybody good.
I m just trying to live without regrets.


I always think what if i don't wake up the next morning?
Will i regret?
I don't know yet.



You all must be thinking why i think so much.
I like to keep thinking of many many things so that my brain is still functioning.
And the more i think the more i see the smarter i m.
Smarter in way i see thru alot of things.
If i don't think so much.
I doubt i will be the person i m now.
I won't be able to learn so much things.
I won't be able to see so much things.
I won't be able to understand so much things.
And become stupid.
Alot of times i rather act stupid then clever.
Because i believe letting your guard down against someone leaves some weakpoints visible to you.
Abit chim right?
Muahahha go read some "Sun Zi Ping Fa" ba.


Alrite folks.
Thats all for my duty.
Time to sleep.
Might edit if i feel like it.
Thanks for reading my boring and lame and full of complains and thinking shit.
Just like my blog.
Its a place full of shit.


~*Jacky & John*~
~*I think i really starting to feel i m losing it*~